May 9th, 2022 Good news,
everyone! Coming to you live from Omicron Persei 8, in
Hypno-Vision, and sponsored by Bachelor Chow...
What if programming languages were Futurama
characters?
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A bit goofy, but optimistic and well-meaning. Seems
like it's been frozen for 1000 years, but still
delivers. Kind, forgiving, but not always quite so
bright. Accidentally became it's own grandfather (via
autovivification). Good friends with
Bender.
print reverse(split(/!?/,join(" ",map{tr/N-ZA-Mn-za-m/A-Za-z/;$_;}
@{["!bq","V","yyn","lyynpvfno","fv","tavgfvkr","ghO"]})))."!\n";
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Strong-willed, powerful, will get you through whatever
trouble you're in. Makes all the rules, projecting
self-confidence, but is constantly seeking peer
confirmation. Actually a sewer mutant; lacks depth
perception.
s1:="Rm9yIGEgc3BsaXQgc2Vjb25kLCBteSBjb21tb24gc2"
s2:="Vuc2Ugd2FzIG92ZXJ3aGVsbWVkIGJ5IHBpdHkuCg=="
d,_:=base64.StdEncoding.DecodeString(s1+s2)
fmt.Printf("%q", d)
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Lacks a
backup unit, but able to self-assemble. Surprisingly
versatile, but does not give a single fuck. Will take
you to the suicide booth and steal your money. Needs
alcohol to run, and largely avoids doing any real work,
but can be used to bend anything.
Good friends with Fry.
printf "$(echo '694265746q20207968736r692079656q6174206p73612173000n'|
tr '[n-zN-Z]' '[a-mA-M]'|sed 's@\(..\)\(..\)@\\x\2\\x\1@g')"
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Has been around for a long time, happy to risk the
crew to get the job done. Alternates between
brilliance and amoral senility, between being friendly
and spiteful; outcomes often defy known laws of
physics. Has a collection of doomsday devices. Not
memory safe.
int main(){uint64_t f=0x0a2e65726966206e;uint64_t e=0x6f20736920656d6f;
uint64_t d=0x68207327656e6f65;uint64_t c=0x6d6f532021656e6f;
uint64_t b=0x7972657665202c73;uint64_t a=0x77656e20646f6f47;
write(1,&a,0x30);}
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Object-oriented, cute, really popular, and a bit
naive. Had a bit of Fry grafted
onto herself for a while. Also had a thing with Bender.
And Zapp. Easy going, but doesn't do
well in difficult situations, falls over easily.
puts "@aq`b`,Ctg".split("").map(&:succ)*''
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Superficially you'd expect him to be relaxed, fun, but under
the surface awaits a workaholic bureaucrat, always
technically correct (the best kind of correct) at all
cost. Does not permit dangling pointers and remains
in charge of all resource management.
fn main() {
// Obfuscation is inefficient and incorrect.
println!("Hello World!");
}
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Claims to be an expert in many things without
actually having a background in any of them, like human anatomy,
reasonable typing, or object injection.
Desperate for friendship and
attention, exhibits many behaviors commonly considered
as appalling. Somehow still part of the whole
adventure, as managers wonder: "Why not Zoidberg?"
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The pompous, flashy, egotistical leader of a giant,
complex war machine, happily willing to sacrifice your
time and efforts to overwhelm your opponent
with complexity. Brute force and arrogant swagger
provide an aura of being a great strategic leader.
Nobody ever got fired for hiring Zapp, regardless of
the outcome.
public class HelloWorld {
private static HelloWorld instance;
public static void main(String[] args){
instantiateHelloWorldMainClassAndRun();
}
public static void instantiateHelloWorldMainClassAndRun(){
instance = new HelloWorld();
}
public HelloWorld(){
HelloWorldFactory factory = HelloWorldFactory.getInstance();
// >100 more lines here
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Timid, bashful, easy to exploit. All sorts of weird,
but generally well meaning and unexpectedly
competent. Can't shed
loyalty to and is often left to clean up after Zapp. Lacks any internal
structure; has a
camouflage reflex and a number of other surprising
capabilities, but just... doesn't seem very
appealing.
alert("*Sigh* - no, sir, 'undefined' is not a function.");
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Dominates the industry while maintaining a public image
of benevolence; in reality ruthless, arrogant,
ill-tempered, and megalomaniacal. Has been around for
a while. You do not want to work with Mom, but
don't really get a choice here.
Machiavellian. Has a romantic history with
Hubert J. Farnsworth.
int main(){std::cout<<"\x4E""o\167 \x63""o\156q\x75""e\162 \x45"
"a\162t\x68"" \171o\x75"" \142a\x73""t\141r\x64""s\041\x0A";};
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Unambitious, yet powerful. Trivially defeats Zapp.
Can easily conquer planets, but doesn't really feel like it most of the
time. Gets along surprisingly well with Fry
and Leela, but also may try to eat them.
getattr(
__import__(True.__class__.__name__[1] + [].__class__.__name__[2]),
().__class__.__eq__.__class__.__name__[:2] +
().__iter__().__class__.__name__[5:8]
)(
1, (lambda _, __: _(_, __))(
lambda _, __: chr(__ % 256) + _(_, __ // 256) if __ else "",
21746987455449264920344448008875897186846275838096221439759236645737234676590021752118335678478669
)
)
Obfuscating 'Hello World'
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Everybody forgets about him, but he's there, doing
what he's always done. Secretly in love with a robotic
wash bucket.
echo "01010100 01101000 01100101 00100000 01100101 01101100
01110110 01100101 01110011 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101
00100000 01100010 01100001 01100011 01101011 00101110" |
awk 'func b(i,t,a,c){a=1;for(c=length(i);c>0;c--){
t+=substr(i,c,1)=="1"?a:0;a*=2}return t};{split($0,a," ");
for(i=1;i<length(a)+1;i++){h[i]=b(a[i]);printf"%c",h[i];}}'
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These are the main characters. What about the
others, like
Morbo, Calculon, the Donbot, Clamps, or Barbados Slim?
Who would be Lisp, Swift, Scala, Lua, or Haskell?
Well, you can always swap them as you see fit using
(the mathematically proven) Ken
Keeler's Theorem. And then you get to pick your
favorite, so long as it's Hypnotoad. ALL GLORY TO THE
HYPNOTOAD!
May 9th, 2022
See also:
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